It has been..... a crazy two months since turning 40. I am not sure where to begin so I guess I will start with the musicals. RETAIL is going well, I am about 3 or so songs and some dialogue away from finishing the entire show. Which is incredible and daunting at the same time. I have been living and breathing this massive work for about 4 years now, and to be so close to the end is surreal. I find myself just going back and listening to some of the earlier songs in the show and just thinking proudly"I wrote that... Fuck ya!" I go to bed at night imagining what the first reading will be like and when and where it would happen. Honestly I will probably make it happen in the end of January because thats the only time I have like a month to dedicate to casting it, teaching them the music, and then arranging the venue and everything. Not impossible, but just .... wow. Even as I type this I am like, "holy shit." I go to bed dreaming the Tony dreams or praise, acclaim, and success. Though those aren't what fuels the need to make this work, they are pleasant things to think about. Act One will be between an hour and 10 min to an hour and 20, which is pretty standard. Act Two will be the shorter ACT but have a lot more of the seriousness of the drama of the story. I can't believe I am writing the music, book, and lyrics to this. Like some crazy George M. Cohen. I have also been slowly working on the Demos for the songs. There will be about 20 in all. There are some I have made that I need to revise thanks to early feedback from my Musical Theatre Writers group. I am thankful I have some safe people to bounce this creation off of. Some people can be very wicked with their opinions.
As that I found my way back into the world of RETAIL, sadly that means that Sing when You're Winning has been put on a temporary hold. Mostly because I need to make the demos for about 4 songs that I have done recently for it. I had a really productive month and cranked out some songs for it. I am close to the end of Act One on that project which is very exciting.
I have been doing a community theater production of COMPANY at Long Beach Playhouse and that has been incredibly rewarding for my soul. Not just fulfilling the missing communal aspect of live theater that the pandemic kinda of destroyed, but also the work itself is therapy for so much of the hurt and pain that I have been going through with my (ex) husband. I use the parentheses because legally.... still married. But I am not going to to this into a vent session about him, or anything cuz Idk, I don't wish ill on him. I just ... want to be Cher and turn back time.
I am in the gym 5 days a week now and feeling amazing. Though the recent state of the world will continue to make me a hermit. Honestly I have been out of the bars all summer due to the production and its kinda nice. I enjoy spending time with my dogs, especially my senior dog crouton. I am savoring all the time that he can give me at this point.
My fall has quickly filled up between work at the college, and I get to choreograph a musical at CSULB. They are doing Rocky Horror, and if you know me, then you know how near and dear that show is to my heart. Hell I played Frank N Furter in undergrad and it was one of my most wonderful and cherished memories. Still talk to a lot of the cast members, and many of them are still working in the arts and doing amazing things. Definitely brings a smile to my face to remember.
The depression comes and goes. When it comes, it's like being wrapped in a heavy blanket that holds my heart space and makes it difficult to move. Luckily those bursts are becoming less and less, but I fear the holidays. I am the kind of person who puts up Halloween on Labor Day.... and I still will.
Hopefully my next Blog entry will include a playlist to the Demos for RETAIL and be titled "ITS FINALLY FINISHED." Idk, with the semester looming so close, I am hoping to finish, but I don't want to rush the process. I rather enjoy being able to 'choose my own adventure' in the creation of this work. But I am proud of myself for continuing to work towards a finish even though there is no reward or financial benefit, or even guarantee of production. And I am proud of myself for doing the community theater show. I stepped out of my comfort zone and met some wonderful people and they have held me at my darkest times. I will miss them when the show closes, but I know I will see them again.
Thats all for now. Stay strong, stay positive.
B Moe
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