One more week until Spring Break!
Granted, my spring break will probably be me working on music. I have 2 dances for the college I need to score, and then my own projects. I am slowly finding my muse, tho they are now dressed in black. Art used to come easier, without the road blocks, fear, or second guessing. Now it seems I am paralyzed before I even begin. I am going to try and unplug as much as I can during Spring Break, aka SLEEP. It is hard to get away, or relax right now. Five fur babies at home, and one has issues and needs meds and attention. The poor baby, but that also means I get to vacation in my mind.
The other day I spent 2.5 hours in traffic just to get him, because people are selfish and drive selfishly which in turn causes accidents. At the end of this joyous excursion, I had to spend 30 minutes on the foam roller to get my back to move properly again. Oh the joys of age.
I have more recently become more serious about writing screenplays, I have at least 4 or 5 solid ideas in my head. I actually started writing one, and by started I have about 45 seconds of dialogue and action completed. If I put it on Tic Tok could I win an Oscar for best adapted screenplay? I really just need someone to bounce ideas off of, someone who will get excited about my ideas with me and then tell me flat out if its complete shit, or where things need to change.
This weekend I am going to an Oscar Party with the SCL, so its going to be a room full of composer, and musicians, and lyricist, all of whom have careers that I can only dream of. And then there will be me, alone in the room desperate trying to convince myself that I have every right to be there as well. You see, I did score a feature film. It got shelved and will never see the light of day, but it still counts for my Gold Membership that lets me go to some cool things. I've met a few of my heroes at these events, and its always so memorable. So Saturday, in my brand new suit, I will try not to drown in my own self sabotaging and fear of imposter syndrome. But rather, be friendly, make friends, and celebrate the work of some amazing humans.
The problem with wanting to do a thousand different things is that my brain becomes like a funnel full of marbles. Each marble is something I want to achieve or complete, and the funnel is my time to do these things. Mostly only broken marbles pass through, I rarely finish projects unless they have hard deadlines. These tend to be things for the college and their productions. I need to be more firm with giving myself the same deadlines, and hold myself to them. That way I feel more accomplished that things get done.
I find myself still having fights with depression because I have had so much to grieve. And when I get into those ruts, it is so difficult to pull myself out and do something creative. I have so much I want to do and accomplish, but I need the time to do it all, and I need to be in the right state of mind in the first place. If not, I just sit and ponder, and waste time wondering. Some days my heart is so heavy that it sits like a boulder on my chest and holds me down.
Anyways, I did complete one demo for "Sing While You're Winning" and I am hoping I can work a bit more on "Retail" in the near future.
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